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Mandatory Mediation

Updated: 2018/03/31

Parent Vs. Parent In The Famiy Courts Means The Children Always Lose

IntroductionWebsite /mediation#introduction

The Family Courts are, by nature, an Adversarial System meaning winner takes all which is the worst for children.

Quality Family Time Before Divorce
Dolores Alice Dukes Guilty Of Parental Alienation Since Dec. 26 2011

Adversarial Means Against

One parent vs. the other parent, in an epic battle of do or die winner takes all literally, physically, emotionally and mentally. Please tell me what child ever benefits from this?

The famous movie Kramer vs. Kramer is a mild example of a bad divorce in The Family Courts. The vs. in the title is an abbreviation for the word versus, which essentially means against, just like any sporting event or war. The movie and title are proof of the adversarial nature of The Family Court System, but that was decades ago when people were more civilized, and generally acted decent towards each other. These days, there is no civility, it's cut-throat, back-stabbing, and completely full of lies, deceit and always trying to gain the upper hand, leveraging even children towards getting the results that any bad parent can easily utilize The Family Courts for.

These days, The Family Courts stil fall under the Civil Law but no one is acting civil in it, with all the children suffering because of it.

The Family Courts And You
Abolish The Family Court System.

Good Parents Co-Parents, All Else Seek The Family Courts For Revenge

When The Family Courts say something is in the best interest of the children, it seldom is and that's because of the true adverarial nature of The Family Court System at it's core, it's just not designed to separate families. In fact, it never was. In the history of divorce, no one ever decided to enact a system for dividing families of divorce or separation, so The Family Courts just came out of parents suing each other after divorce. We only use The Family Court System by default, the courts were suppoed to be used until they could come up with something better.

Mediation was always and still is available and if couples are reasonable enough to place Co-Parenting above their own personal needs or reasoning. Mediation and observing the civil laws of The Family Courts works for most civilized couples, who place their children as priority number one when dividing up a family.

But not everyone decides to be rational or place their children first and foremost above themselves in divorce or separation. It seems that couples are increasinly getting separated or divorced with children, the variables of the definition of couples got wider and large problems that have always been involved with divorce or separation have escalated quickly with the inequality and dysfunctionality of The Family Courts. I believe it is NOW ever so apparent that we as a society choose something better than The Family Court System, and that's what this website is about.

The Family Courts Were Used As A Threat During My Mediation

Warren Briggs Mediation Letter Sept. 20 2005
Click Fullscreen

In my divorce, I personally thought the mother and I would be able to manage a Co-Parenting plan in Mediation, but I was very wrong. For Mediation to work, both parents need to have the proper attitude, one of placing the children first and one of compromise because of placing the children first. I was willing and able to Mediate, the mother was not. She openly warned that if she didn't get what she wanted in Mediation, the threat was taking me to The Family Courts, which everyone knows awards the mother basically everything no Co-Parenting necessary.

Noteworthy was the fact that I hadn't seen my daughter YET and the mother was attempting to Mediate, bartering access to our child.

"Although some agreements were established, the implementation was hindered by the very high level of conflict present." Quote from Mediator Warren Briggs Letter

The Family Courts created such a hostile environment AND gave the mother her above the law attitude which of course escalated until I was left completely alienated from my daughter's life, and absolutely no good can come from that. Noteably, the mother DID NOT start out our separation with this attitude, it was learned as evidence in The Mother Dolly section of the Evidence page. We all know of bad divorces, but seldom do we ask why are they SO bad, but the fact is each and every bad divorce are born, fostered and empowered by The Family Court System. Adversarial behaviour is ONLY indicative of a Family Court System divorce or separation involving children.

The original purpose of court rooms makes sense for murders and offences against civility, but NOT for divorcing or separating families. It's simply not set up to do that. The Family Courts are NEVER in the best interest of the children. That's not just my opinion, but an actual fact. I easily prove it on my Evidence Page with SO much proof as to what is truly happening to the children of divorce in The Family Courts. I've even collected some tragic stories related to The Family Courts and keep them on the Research Page.

Fact is, when lawyers are involved, it only aggrevates an already incredibly volatile and vulnerable situation, and when there's children involved, it's NEVER good for the children. Divorce being a HUGE stresser on people alone is enough to break some people, let alone adding lawyers, courtrooms, incredibly long waiting time any kind of justice. Plus, the huge debt associated with divorce in The Family Courts can and has bankrupted many. Mediation couldn't be more of the polar opposite. Mediation is immediate and personalized with your own mediator who can provide the safest and most comfortable environment proper for Co-Parenting to happen, first and foremost upon divorce or separation. This, of course, is the exact polar opposite of the adversarial and unforgiving Family Court System. Oh, I'd also like to mention that Mediation is subsidized by most governments SO it's incredibly affordable.

2 Lawyers Representing Parents vs. 1 Mediator Representing Everyone

It's actually kind of insane that we are still using The Family Court System. That's why this website advocates we Abolish The Family Court System in favour of Mandatory Mediation. Simply, if you separate or divorce with children involved, there is NO option for The Family Courts. Everyone MUST use a mediator, that's the mandatory part.

Mediators are, by far, the best way to separate families. It's one person who is a neutral party to both parents and works towards a co-parenting plan for the children first and foremost with both parents considered equal until proven otherwise. This is EXTREMEMLY better than 2 lawyers battling it out over everything in a public forum in front of an unfamiliar Judge who takes approximately 5 minutes to familiarize themselves with your case.

Mandatory Mediation is NOT only the best for all couples, from mild to extreme, but also considers ALL family members, including grand-parents, relatives, special occasions, etc. The benefits are staggeringly better than The Family Courts, it's hard to imagine actually.

If we as a society eliminated The Family Courts, just imagine the civility we'd get back. Imagine bringing back the importance of family, both parents and the REAL best interest of the children.

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Mediation Is Perfect Except It's Optional Now.

Mediation Not MandatoryWebsite /mediation#mediation-not-mandatory

There really is no debate over whether two lawyers fighting in The Family Courts is better than one neutral Mediator acting in the best interest of the parents, family and children involved. Mediation is THE preferred method of negotiating a Co-Parenting plan after separation or divorce. However, in divorce or separation, parents AREN'T always able to think rationally. In fact, some parents don't WANT to co-parent, think rationally OR do what's in the best interest of the children. You possibly know of someone like this, as it's all too common in The Family Court System, and that's exactly why I advocate we Abolish The Family Courts in favour of Mandatory Mediation. It's mediation made mandatory so parents are made to do what's in the best interest of the children, not whether they prefer to or not.

The Family Courts vs. Mandatory Mediation for divorce or separation involving children tutorial video. All evidence to support this logic is displayed on the Evidence Page.

Mediation didn't work in my divorce because the mother KNEW if she didn't get her way in Mediation, she'd certainly get it in The Familiy Courts. For mediation to work, both parents HAVE to be willing to compromise for the greater good of the children.

Eliminating The Family Courts takes away the empowerment bad parents are prone to in The Family Courts. High conflict parents in a bad divorce in The Family Court System can be fatal and is ALWAYS harmful to children. The only real solution to protect the children and level some civility to the modern divorce or separation involving children is to Abolish The Family Courts in favour of Mandatory Mediation. Mandating Mediation over The Family Courts eliminates bad parents continuing to be bad parents enabled by The Family Court System.

Mandatory Mediation simply means any couple separating with children, do it through a Mediator with no option for The Family Courts. Thereby, we can Abolish The Family Courts. Mandatory Mediation makes every parent do the responsible thing AND what's in the best interest of the child, regardless of how angry, spiteful or hurt they are from their divorce/separation. The children are co-parented by responsible adults, unlike the chaos and life-threatening conditions of The Family Court System.

If you think this makes sense, please share this website. One parent can't do it all.

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The Vicious Circle Of Injustice

Family Court HellWebsite /mediation#family-court-hell

To The Average Family Man, It's Maddening At Best

If you've never been to a Family Court hearing, consider yourself lucky.

Father And Daughter Xmas Tree Cutting
How I Lost My Daughter
A dedicated family man like myself could not fathom being without my only child

The rules, protocol, forms to fill out properly, and then the day before the Judge. It can take months, but when you get it, you better have dressed nice, and address the Judge properly, or have a lawyer who will, because if you don't, you already have a strike against you. If you're lucky, you'll get maybe 5 minutes to pour out your heart as to why you did ALL you had to do to be there. If that particular Judge, who don't know nor care about you, is not in a great mood, or if you're the last case before lunch, or if they're just in a bad mood, you can almost hope for anything by that point, because it might seem hopefully to get anything.

That's The Family Courts.

OR, if you're wealthy enough to afford a lawyer, you sit in their fancy office for a few hours while they compile your life story into neat paragraphs that mean sense toa Judge, thay you hope covers all the major issues. Then, await your Family Court date until you get to enjoy the exact same environment as above only you say nothing and watch your lawyer miss most of the points you wanted taken care of, but say nothing because you paid them a lot of money to enjoy that experience.

Either way, both really feel like hell as a parent. So much time, paperwork, needless battles over everything and the lawyer's bill just surmounting. No one can afford the kind of justice The Family Courts would like you to think you can have. But frankly, The Family Courts are just good for the Lawyers and Judges.

And good parents are without their children. Children are being denied their rightful upbringing.

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Co-Parenting Should Be Our #1 Priority

Make Mediation MandatoryWebsite /mediation#make-mediation-mandatory

I hope we can ALL agree that children need both parents to grow up happy and healthy.

Justin Timberlake Against Parental Alienation
Justin Timberlake in support of equal parenting.

What we have in place now for couples separating or divorcing in North America is the OPTION of Mediation. In my case, it didn't work because the mother insisted on getting her way OR she'd take me to Family Court. That doesn't work. Both parents HAVE to agree to abide by the Mediation guidelines, and the access assigned by the Mediator. There are no breaking the rules because it would be at that parent's risk of losing priveledges with regards to parenting, and most civilized parents would never do that. This environment promotes being responsible and doing the right thing. The Family Courts promote a nasty lying environment of hatred and revenge. Doesn't it? We all know divorcing couples battling it out, don't we? That's The Family Courts empowering that mentality.

Mandatory Mediation is simply enforcing couples to work out an equal or fair parenting arrangement in the best interest of the child immediately upon separating. Doesn't that sound better already? No married couple seeking divorce with children should EVER enter the Family Courts because as soon as they do, all civility is lost, as well as precious years in some cases. That is never in the best interest o the children. The Family Court System is just archaic, and we can do better

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Mediation Made Mandatory.

Mandatory MediationWebsite /mediation#mandatory-mediation

My ex-wife and I attempted mediation, but since it wasn't mandatory, she used it as a bartering tool threatening The Family Courts if I didn't give in to her demands. That's NOT mediation. Mediation is all about compromises for the child. The mother in my case did not compromise and since she knew she'd fair very well in The Family Courts, she gave me the ultimatum of agree to her terms or Family Court. Since I wanted as much access, equality and responsibility for my daughter as I had in our relationship, there was no other choice but be dragged into The Family Courts.

Mandatory Mediation avoids not only the whole pitfall that is The Family Courts, it prevents one parent from commanding control over the other, which is the basis of MOST bad divorces in The Family Court System.

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No shared custody in The Family Courts

Adversarial Family CourtsWebsite /mediation#adversarial-family-courts

If you wanted shared or equal parenting, you would have done it in mediation.

The biggest misconception with The Family Courts is that somehow justice will prevail. It won't. This is the worst case scenario between separating or divorcing parents, however it's quite common, thus effecting more and more children. The mediation option was the ONLY option for anything close to shared or equal custody. I've been entirely through The Family Court System, I saw throughout my experience the elusion of justice, but it really doesn't exist. If more people know this, they really might think entering The Family Courts.

If two parents can agree on a parenting plan, they they wouldn't need The Family Courts, so Judges cannot rule in favour of equal or shared custody. That's why there's so much animosity around The Family Courts, it's so distorted between equality and what you actually get. When I learned I'd never get equality in The Family Courts, which was almost immediately, then it became a battle, instead of doing what's best for the children. The fostering of that mentaliy is the best reason to ABOLISH The Family Courts because it simply is NOT in the best interest of the children.

Judges believe the child's safety or best interest won't be followed because of parents bickering and not being able to make the best decision and will immediately side with the obvious choice, which in most cases, is the mother since she's most likely to HAVE the children already. That picking of the primary "Custodial Parent" is when all hell breaks loose. It's NOTHING like parenting, and definitely NOT co-parenting. In fact, it's THE most degrading and humiliating experiences you'll EVER feel, and I feel it ever single day.

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The Best The Family Courts Can Do

Parental NightmareWebsite /mediation#parental-nightmare

The Non-Custodial Parent gets what the Custodial Parent dictates, and has to follow the advice of the Custodial Parent, as they now have all the authority and say to control most of the decision making, such as health, education, beliefs, religion, school, diet, and anything else they wish to place in a Family Court Order. The Non-Custodial Parent would have to fight for any influence on that child, and put it in writing, and take it before The Family Court System or else not get that right. The Primary Parent also gets paid money, because they are doing so much more than the other. And, since the parents have to go to The Family Courts to decide this, the Non-Custodial Parent pays for everything as well as paying monthly for child support and possibly spousal support. The judge can also add interest on unpaid debts, demand you submit all changes in your life to the Custodial Parent, as well as submit earning records, tax records, keep a life insurance plan, not move out of province or country or possibly anything they wish. If you don't comply, you could be found in Contempt of a Court Order, and suffer fines, imprisonment, and or loss of custody.

The Custodial Parent can do anything they want, unless you have a good enough lawyer to demand anything.

That does not sound anything like justice, equality or what's in the best interest of the child. It's not, but it's the best The Family Court System can do.

I believe we can do better.

Mandatory Mediation works to resolve all matters of separation, personally one on one with a Canada wide governed body of professional mediators specially trained for the intrinsic nuances of separating any married couple with children. The children's access is based about the best for the child, so equality is presumed to be the case, with each case personalized to the needs of the family.

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Expences Resources And Civility Saved.

Free The CourtroomsWebsite /mediation#free-the-courtrooms

Making Mediation Mandatory means we no longer need those court rooms for children, and can allocate them for better use in more appropriate cases like real crimes like murder, etc. Divorce is NOT a crime. All those lawyers, judges and court rooms could then be allocated for better use, and that of course would save the tax-payers countless millions, but better our society by eliminating the back-log in the Court System in general.

The expence that a Mandatory Mediator would pale in comparison to the cost that the average family has on society. The fact that so many children are growing up seeing Divorce being such a bad thing means that affects our future. How about we teach our children that equality, respect and the best interest of the children DOES come first, and that can only happen with Mandatory Mediation.

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What Power Would Mediators Have?

Mediation EnforcementWebsite /mediation#mediation-enforcement

When the Children's Aid Society (CAS) need enforcement, they can call in the Police but until then, they have the power to take away access, and that's usually enough to get most civilized parents to comply. The same with Mediators. When access is denied, they can be called immediately and hopefully resolce the issue as timely.

Whereas in The Family Courts, when access is denied, it's up to the denied parent to do something about it, almost like punishing the innocent. The WORST parenting environment. Mandatory Mediation simply eliminates this by being readily available to both parents upon abuse of the co-parenting guidelines assigned by the Mediator. Unlike The Family Courts, when after waiting for months, you get approximately a few minutes with a Judge that does NOT know your case, yet decides major life-altering changes in a matter of minutes, and then on to the next case and you're ushered out like cattle accepting your fate.

The Family Courts should be abolished

No child is better off in The Family Courts, and it feels like death on earth when The Family Courts allow a bad parent to get away with doing that to your children. They are stolen from you and there's nothing you can do about it.

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Mandatory Mediation Is In The Best Interest Of The Children

Responsible Co-parentingWebsite /mediation#responsible-co-parenting

Can We Keep Parents Of Divorce Or Separation Accountable?

Alice Dukes aka Dolores "Dolly" Dukes
Alice Dukes has taken away her daughter's father, family and friends since Dec. 26 2011.

When a couple decides to have a child together, they don't often plan out a separation or divorce plan, unlike many other big investments in life. When divorce happens, most couple aren't in the best mindset to make some incredibly important decisions in life, hence making Mandatory Mediation even more viable. The first few months were the most crucial in my divorce and I was incredibly naive as to exactly how I lost control of the house 11 days after my separation. A Mediator can navigate even the most stressed out couples through the separation and/or divorce, and that can only benefit our society as a whole and raise the quality of life of everyone after divorce or separation. There are an incredible amount of things that happen in your typical divorce especially in the early stages, and all the while many very deep emotions. Having the Mediator instead of The Family Courts makes too much sense in every was possible and especially for the children.

It's heart-wrenching to have your child taken away from you, or have the way you parent your child dictated to you. At the core of every parent is the instinct to protect your children, and that's immediately disgarded or taken away from any Non-Custodial Parent in Family Court. No wonder we hear of so much hatred, violence and other attrocities associated with divorce in Family Court. If you cherise being a parent, as I do, The Family Court System is a nightmare at best and easily the worst experience imaginable for everyone involved. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy because the children always lose, every time. The amount of moments in my divorce that I was devastated for my lack of being able to parent my child is incalculable, denied not just to both me and my daughter but every family member, relative, friend, neighbour, school-mate, etc. The Family Courts cannot contend for any of those people so as in my case, my daughter is missing out on her extended family, friends, birthday parties, holidays, and all the memories and experiences everyone is denied. Those priceless years never come back. Taking away those years is what The Family Court System does, and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. It had this proud father in the fetal position crying like an infant too many times to be right. The idea of children being away from good parents kills me inside. It's one of the many problems with society these days. If we're teaching children of divorce the adversarial ways of The Family Court System, imagine how messed up they are.

When Mandatory Mediation eliminates one parent alienating another, that alone will benefit society as a whole. The amount of divorce stories that have a common element of parental alienation is the precisely why some extreme divorces end in extreme and fatal endings. Denying what is parentally your "right" is simply wrong!

Hold Parents Accountable

Mandatory Mediation says if you're responsible enough to have a child together, mediate a parenting plan for that child immediately upon your separation.

Doing the best for every child in every way is Mandatory Mediation. Leave the courtrooms, lawyers and judges to be free to handle the real criminals out there. Let's do what's best for society and Abolish The Family Court System. Let's give the children of divorce a chance for a better life.

The lost years of The Family Court System and of course, the lost money, house, rights, dignity, friends, respect and schedule.

If you know someone who's gone through a bad divorce, assume you don't know the worst, and probably only know the tip of the iceberg. Victims of The Family Courts are never proud. They've just gone through the most degrading thing in their life, and lost their children and most of the rights associated with having children,and are in the worst emotional place ever. Statistics say that only the death of a loved one compares to going through a bad divorce, but I argue, the death is something that eventually stops hurting, but a bad divorce never does and goes on and on, and can get way worse as it goes. In the case of money, debts can add up fast, and if you're like me and spent every last penny attempting to stay in your daughter's life, then times are way worst than they ever let on to the public.

Sadly, at this time in their lives, most Custodial Parents have to pretend things are great because thier life depends on it. If you ever get drunk and someone phones the police, well, you could lost your custody real fast that way. How about reacting in an angry way to any one of the many indignities associated with The Family Courts, and you could lose your custody, or certain rights. My ex-wife, in our first court appearance after our separation, demanded Supervised Access, which meant me seeing our daughter for only 2 hours in a CAS room every other weekend! That was illegitimate request being as my parenting responsibilities in our family structure were equal to hers, so her demanding that be my access had no bearing in my parenting, only the level of her spite. That's the adversarial nature of The Family Courts. You have NO IDEA what that feels like until you go through it. And frankly, most men don't make it through it very well, including me.

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The Family Courts Made A Deadbeat Dad Out Of This Dedicated Family Man And Loving Father.

Deadbeaten DadsWebsite /mediation#deadbeaten-dads

I'm considered a DeadBeat Dad, as I've fallen behind in my child support payments. I paid them for over 5 years, but denied access for over a year while doing so, all the while paying child support for a child I have to pay to go back to court to get. If the mother believes that I shouldn't have my child because of lack of payment, that's NOT what The Family Courts say nor the court of public appeal, as in the common people. We believe that parenting comes first and foremost. Most enformed people and those who have holistic family values believe the same. Most studies indicate a harsh or unhealhty divorce leads to much complications in life. Some children don't ever heal.

If Mandatory Mediation were implemented and utilized in my divorce, I'd be in a completely different place. My life would not be hell, and my daughter would know her father, enjoy being like him and growing up with civility instead of insanity.

The Family Courts create DeadBeat Dads.

The term Deadbeat Dad does NOT discern between a dad who doesn't pay child support and the dads that want to pay but cannot. The shame is equal.

Should I be a Deadbead Dad?

It's easy in this economy to know someone who can't make ends meet, and cannot make their financial responsibilities. Well, imagine having your child taken away, after spending all your money trying to keep her, then having to balance work and keeping positive about life. It's tough, almost impossible for some. The Family Courts make DeadBeat Dads. I paid my child support for over 4 years, even after having my Driver's Licence taken away 2 times illegally by FRO, but they took it away the third because I'd been beaten too much and I broke. Now, I have no back account, no Driver's Licence, no passport and still need to find a job and a place to live. If making a DeadBeat Dad make any sense, then why are there so many of us loving fathers without our children?

Mandatory Mediation prevents DeadBeat Dads

Using a Mediator keeps children seeing their fathers as well as a preventing a myriad of other issues from happening, thus keeps a society healthy.

Imagine if my ex-wife wouldn't have been able to take our divorce through The Family Courts, the great deal of travesty I wouldn't have gone through. The endless court dates, the many jobs lost, the hostility between warring parents, the lost money. I could have taken the split from the sale of the Matrimonial House, and bought another little place to access my shared and equal custody with my daughter. She would've benefit so much from two civilized parents working together towards common ground and avoided so much drama, confusion, intensity, and gave us both a better chance to move on. But Mandatory Mediation was not an option, only mediation. And that didn't work.

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Could The Real Deadbeat Be The Family Court System?

Deadbeat Family CourtsWebsite /mediation#deadbeat-family-courts

It creates Deadbeat Dads out of good parents. Let's start shaming that.

The original purpose of the Court System, with a Judge and Jury, was for convicts, thieves, and murders. It was never intended to be used for dividing families. That's not it's purpose. But when marriages became too complicated for the churches, the government needed a place to conduct the matters of separating the assets. Children were considered chattel, or assets. That's archaic by today's standards, thus the need to change. Abolishing The Family Courts is the only way to serve true justice to any divorce involving children. Any other divorce can go through the regular Courts, but none involving children, or families. It simply doesn't work, because if the families were rational enough to come to a conclusion of a proper parenting plan through a divorce, they would have done so in Mediation. Making it Mandatory is key, and Abolishing The Family Courts with children takes away "using the children" as leverage. That's the biggest guilt of The Family Courts. They insist every decision is based on the best interest of the child, but it never is in reality.

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Divorce Made Safe Easy And Fair.

Implementing Mandatory MediationWebsite /mediation#implementing-mandatory-mediation

Upon agreeing to separate, parents would meet with a Mandatory Mediator immediately. That Mediator will establish the basics like housing, finances, child-care and immediate needs for the child/chilren. The Mediator arranges for the other parent to meet up in person, or separately, to arrange the proper co-parenting arrangement which is agreed upon by both parents, considering all the aspects of the separation better than any parent could do separately. Never is one parent dictating control over the other, and equal and shared parenting is the starting point, not the illusion. The Mediator handles the divorce every step of the way, and emergency communication can happen to deal immediately with any concerns or crisis that arises. Plus, with respect given to both parents, the children benefit and can learn the basics of dealing with conflict.

Never again will a strange Judge decide your fate in a matter of minutes before a live audience.

Mandatory Mediation offers a professional Mediator who's job is to facilitate all the subtle needs of delicately separating a family, so that everyone including extended family members and friends are represented. The obvious effects of a civilized respectful and amicable divorce would measure huge in community and socialist aspects, hopefully making crime and murder associated with bad divorces a thing of the past.

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Browse And Be Astonished By What I've Endured

Explore And ShareWebsite /mediation#explore-and-share

I provide proof for everything contained within this website on the Evidence Page

Check out the Research Page where I link all kinds of relevence, like other horror stories ending in the most horrific ways which are all linked to the Family Court System.

There is nothing included, if I can't substantiate it with fact.

I'm a father forever even when denied the right to be.

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